Losing a Spouse Changes Everything: 5 Things to Think About

Suddenly, She Was Gone

Recently, I (David) was in the airport, waiting on a flight when a fellow passenger opened up and told me his story.

After being married for over 50 years, he had recently lost his wife. She was having a routine heart procedure and things went wrong. Suddenly, she was gone, totally unexpected.

He said it has really thrown him for a loop. Life is ALL different now. Even his schedule is hard. They always used to go out to eat every Friday night. He does it alone now that she’s gone. They always ran errands on Saturdays and relaxed on Sunday. He still finds himself keeping that same schedule, missing her as he goes along.

Even his relationship with his kids has changed. His wife had always been the more talkative one, and the kids tended to talk more with her. Now with Mom gone, they are all having to learn how to talk to each other more and differently.

“My kids don’t know what to do with me!” he said. One child had a house with a special space just for Mom to use after Dad died. NO ONE had thought about Mom dying first and what would happen if it did.

Planning Ahead

Losing a spouse is a big blow. One you never get over. It can feel overwhelming.

But good planning can ease some of the stress and give your family a road map to follow. It won’t help with the Friday night date nights, but it will bring you peace of mind and help the survivor who, all alone, is faced with important financial decisions.

Here are five things to think about with it comes to effective planning:

  1. If your spouse dies, will you live in the same place or move?
  2. Suppose you are caring for your spouse who is in poor health. What if you’re no longer around? Where will he get the care he needs?
  3. If you handle most of the financial matters, will your spouse be able to take that over, or will she need some help?
  4. Where will the survivor get wise advice? Who will be their sounding board? Do you have trusted relationships with your financial advisor and attorney?
  5. If your spouse dies, how will your income change? Will your pension or social security go down?

We have walked with many families who have planned ahead for their spouse, as well as spouses trying to deal with the current or unexpected loss of a loved one. We know how tough it is. By having a clear picture of the options and the right questions to ask, your plan can protect the surviving spouse and ease the stress after your death.

At our introductory workshop, we talk about the planning timeline, including what happens when a spouse dies. If you haven’t already attended this workshop, it’s a great first step in getting started on being prepared for the unexpected. See when the next introductory workshop will be offered by checking out our workshop calendar. Please give us a call at 217-726-9200 with any questions you may have or to RSVP for an upcoming workshop.